The year of “No’s” and the “Unknowns”
What do we do as homeschoolers when we encounter a change of plans, or our quiet, predictable path just erupted with a towering volcano (such as an unexpected medical diagnosis)? This has been my season of changing, and waiting and waiting and more waiting…Ha-Ha!
But even while walking through uncertainty, if I run my homeschool with a panicking heart, I can forget about anything productive getting done. If I start my day fretting about what assignments we haven’t gotten done, or stay stuck in the thinking of “what should I do today since I don’t even know what my tomorrow will look like?” - then my children are learning nothing other then, ‘mom is crazy!’ On top of the unsettling feeling of indecision, behavior problems and sibling squabbling is bound to follow. We all know the days when we have completely lost the reins and the day is off the rail. While those days are bound to happen, we can’t thrive if this becomes our norm, especially if your difficult season happens to be long…
In the days of change and uncertainty, if the Lord is still holding our homeschool and we still have the ability to be together with our children and to learn, then that’s what we are to do. We take out a math lesson, (or whatever you think you can sit and do with love and joy in the moment) and we ask the Lord to be our provision for school this day. And you know what I’ve learned? He will show up, and He will surprise you with His goodness and His unexplainable peace. If we place our trembling hand in His, He will be faithful to lead us through this season. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your days to others, just keep your eyes on Him and you will see His powerful hand working and there will be fruit, lasting fruit.
It has been about a year since I have started down this path of battling a mystery illness…
What started as an increased feeling of being unwell, has lead to a six month stay on short term disability, a seeming bazillion tests and many appointments later and my leave was depleted and there was still no definitive diagnosis to help my case.
During my time homeschooling it has always been necessary for me to work outside the home, so for the past 7 years I’ve worked nights part time at a local warehouse. After my leave was depleted I attempted to go back to work and as much as I tried to push and drag myself back in, it quickly became apparent that my illness had progressed to where I could no longer work outside the home.
This scary realization has been such a hard truth to admit. While the doctors have theories about what is going on, the truth that my once very sturdy body now has trouble doing even some of the simplest household tasks, is hard to accept. I have had to release my hands from the job and the identity I’ve held on to for so many years. While not just loosing my income we have also lost the great health insurance that once made caring for my family’s unique health needs an easy task, which has now changed.
My family and I stand at the shoreline of the unknown. Not sure of what path the Lord is leading us down, or what direction He will take us. I know that I have made my job and my insurance my security, though the truth is, the Lord is the One that brought me to that job during a time of great need, and He is not done working.
I know that during this overwhelming season, the Lord has provided everything we have needed, especially when I had no idea how we would make it - when there was no saving hand in sight. He has shown me His power, His loving-kindness and His overwhelming grace. Though I look across the stormy waters of this season; at the loss of my employment and my struggling body - I know Who is holding me. I take His hand and I take my step onto the water.
When I remember that my worries are too heavy to carry; I have given my homeschool and my family over to Him time and time again and He has faithfully held us. He has faithfully moved us to where He wants us, and I know I can trust Him with my unknown tomorrow.
“But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name.” John 20:31